1043 days later……..

Lets’ take it back a step… 3rd August 2020, 16:51

I was watching my phone like a hawk. It was fully charged, on loud, and then….

I was nervous, excited and again still in the back of my mind the little cave came up, but the Facebook messenger audio goes, and there are the bluest of eyes on the screen. There he was. So grown up, charming, and funny. I can’t remember much of the conversation as I just wanted to fully embrace this moment.

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. The call was just so fluid and normal. It was as if it was an everyday thing. I knew they were open with J about myself, foster carers and the adoption, and I never once doubted that. But seeing his face (before the pizza filter came on), hearing him say my name, and then acting like any other 3-year-old.

It was an incredible feeling. It was the cement that filled the cave in my head. I had a video chat with other family members a few weeks prior, and it was wonderful to see just how amazing they all are.

And then, 1043 days after our TTFN became a Hello and hug. 31st August 2020.

I marked the days down on the calendar, there was no turning back. Hand in hand with a friend who K had met, I was about to meet J for the first time in person.

I had kept K updated, and soon enough we pulled into the car park. Arms stretched out, the tears welling up, K came to meet us as we moved along to where they had set-up the picnic. It felt as if my heart was going to leap out when I first put my eyes to him. I kept saying in my head that “you’ll wake up soon”.

A whole rush of emotions came over me, much like how the sea had been crashing the pebbles the night before.

I could not say much at first, I didn’t have the words to say, more to the point I didn’t want the wrong words to come out. I was just in awe of the family I saw before me.

I tried to take in all the details – his eyes, his height, everything, but I needed to stop. I needed to stop and just take in the moment of us all sat, chatting, and sharing what was a beautiful and treasured moment of time. * Core memory made*

It felt natural, it felt normal, it felt that this was the start of a beautiful journey where two families were brought together by one special little boy.

I went home that night and cried.